'Attached" - Demystifying Relationship Patterns

Nothing quite feels as good as when you finally find the missing piece to the puzzle that you’ve been, quite literally, been puzzled about your whole life.

In the back of an Uber in San Fran, speaking to a lovely stranger, going deep quickly, it became very evident: there was no coincidence that I was in this particular Uber ride. We talked about love and relationships. The build up and dismantle, the battles and the desires. We were non stop chatting and getting on, like a house on fire.

Just as I was about to jump out of the car, at my final destination, this lovely new friend of mine said, "promise me this one thing! Read ‘Attached,’ this book will explain it all. It sounds like your anxiousness and his avoidance is just not a match!"

I instantly downloaded it from the airport and before my eyes I was reading the words that my body and heart knew, it was all being confirmed. Having desires, needs and wants doesn’t make me a bad ‘spiritual’ person or a needy girlfriend, in fact what I desire are the very needs of being human. The need for closeness and intimacy and a solid base and someone you can rely on is what we all truly want.The list went on. Don’t get me wrong, I could clearly see my insecure, not so perfect behavior as well.

The book explains the three different attachment styles. It was almost crazy how simply my ex fit into the avoidance category. Although I felt myself normally to be a very level headed, secure person, it was very clear my attachment style had been activated by being with an avoidant partner. I had literally become consumed by this relationships every move and unable to achieve much more in my life than talking about every little detail to everyone.

My ex and I were already on the way out, but I felt like I just couldn’t let go until I had some sort of clarity. I would keep going back and try every possible thing to make us work. This book really, really, really helped me finally be able to move forward. Understanding the ‘why’ when for so long, all I knew was that we truly loved each other but it just kept not feeling right, good, calm, secure, and settled.

I still dream of my ex. I literally woke up this morning in sweats. In my dream we were walking along the beach, talking for hours. I woke up missing him, craving his closeness, our love.This dream is what actually inspired me to write about ‘Attached,’ because no matter what my mind could muster up about us being together and the potency of our love, the feeling I actually have when we are together is that of high anxiety. The rest of my life doesn’t seem to function quite right and things feel overwhelming and messy.

Now I am dating a 'secure' attachment style and it is the most nourishing thing for my whole system.The strange thing is, now I find myself tending towards the avoidant attributes myself. Fortunately, knowing the work allows me to use the tools that this body of science offers so that I can work through being more stable and available myself.

This book will enlighten your path towards finding your perfect mate with a lens you may have never looked with before. Things you appreciate now will be very different than the 'butterflies and lollipops' feeling you were looking for. It puts language to intuition and the bodies response. You’ll quite literally be able to feel at home, at rest and happier than ever, for this is the recipe for lasting, healing love 💕

I never spoke to that lovely Uber driver again, yet she gave me a gift of a lifetime. Thank you!  And thank you universe and Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller M.A (authors of ‘Attached’).